revelations.

The biggest lesson I've learned so far in bootcamp is this:

I can suck at understanding parts of myself.

I think that I know what I'm doing, and why I'm doing things, but I get myself wrong some times. Of course, the very idea that I should understand myself completely, and all the time too, is ridiculous.

My trainers help me understand that my mental barriers get in my own way. Possibly, if I understood myself better, I would have learned these two things earlier:

1. That in exercise, I give myself up to a preconceived mental limit using an unknown physical limit as an excuse, and
2. Lack of being able to see an end result shouldn't be my cause for worry or hesitation.
   

In terms of the first, I learned this during a benchmark round, where one of the exercises is doing 8 laps of 200m in order to complete 1 mile. It was gruelling, and of course in my own mind, I can't run. Says me.

Corp. Sze kept me going along the way. After shuffling for most of the 8 laps, I managed to sprint out in a burst to finish the last 50m or so. On cooling down she came over and said to me "You can run... why are you holding back on yourself?" And indeed I was. But I had little idea that I had been doing that until she had said it, and after I had proved to myself that I could, in fact, run.

As for the second, this came when one of our exercises involved reaching cones in a distant part of the field. SJ Rebels rock it pre-dawn, so visibility is really low and the cones, while bright orange, are close to the ground.

Corp. Shamil's instructions were to run out there to the cones, do some exercises, and then run back. I couldn't see a thing, and said to him "But I can't see the cones...", to which he replied, "You'll see them on the way there."

That may sound like nothing - practical stuff really - but that really stuck with me, because it exemplified an approach about goals, about targets, and about having faith in a process. How many times have you not started things because you couldn't see the end? And how many times have you continued on with things not sure about the end, but seeing it getting closer the more effort you made?

What is the end you have in mind when you exercise?

 

 

Comments

[lennie]

I keep coming back to read this. Out of your three quality posts (so few! write more!), it's by far my favourite because I can totally relate to it. Your second story came to mind during a running session where I couldn't see one of the cones. I realised that I kept approaching that particular stretch of the track more hesitantly (i.e. I was slowing down, giving myself the excuse that I should tread more carefully, take it easy cos I can't see the outline). Remembering your point about seeing it when you get there, or even pressing on despite the lack of a visible cone helped me make a conscious decision not to be distracted by good excuses to er... walk. :D

Also love how you've expressed so succinctly the mental toss-up that happens when you don't know how much you should "realistically" push yourself. It does help in understanding what goes on inside our heads. It's rather belated, but... thanks for writing this. Imma just gonna let the wisdom seep in again.

[saying yes to life]

Thank you for sharing your experiences Lennie! Always good to hear from you, well, online after seeing you offline (I didn't see this for the longest time LOL).

Yes... I really am going to write something, er, soonish! Must dispense with the nonsense. Looking forward to seeing more of your stuff too, that photo journal is really something, man.