who's a rebel now?: going further.

I know it's been some time since my last entry, and rather than make any more futile moves to complete the half-finished drafts (five at last count), I will just get down to it! So this is horribly unpolished. Also, I have just had a BIG COFFEE.

My brain rewiring hasn't yet become so automatic that I fail to be startled by positive attitudinal changes, and I've noticed the changes the most when it comes to how I approach the exercises solo.

THEN:
Grunts: You gotta be kidding!
Jack knives: Arrrrgh! I'm never coming back (apparently I said this on my first session. Also my first exposure to jack knives)
Sprinting: Hey Sarge, what do you mean I'm shuffling... oh... that's not sprinting?
Dirty dog push ups: ?!@@#*!

When I was younger at this strange business, I felt it was justifiable somehow to move slower, to wait the stopwatch out. I was doing all I could, right? I mean, I was pushing my body, hmm there's some nebulous pain there, I dunno... it's vaguely present - somewhere. Hem, haw. Oh look, was that the "Steady!" call? Anyway it's not like I'm naturally fit or anything. So I can slack off a bit.

Some of you may recognise this kind of thinking. Zzzzzz. Let's move away from that stuff.

NOW:

Grunts: No problem. 10 or 20? (When you've had to do hundreds, you have some perspective)
Jack knives: Bring them on. Really love them.
Sprinting: Way better now.
Dirty dog push ups: ?!@@#*! (I'm not perfect)

I'm better now at the exercises and I watch my form. I still get exhausted, still feel nausea sometimes, but I don't take shortcuts. I can even watch out for other recruits and help out. I notice the body's aches and discomforts and know they are temporary. I appreciate what I can do and what I have yet to achieve. I am much less tolerant of my own excuses. It has become about how many extra reps I can get in *before* Senior's watch times out. What? Steady already?

Subang on the way back from Rebel!

This change caught me by surprise yesterday, even though I had been consciously pushing harder for the last few months. On reflection, it's something that you and I both instinctively know. It is what happens when you put in practice and effort session after session, month after month, and having faith in the process.

Remember this, if nothing else: Results come when you hold yourself accountable. Apply yourself and don't give yourself permission to slack off. You only have an hour.

We already know that when you do something often enough, you reinforce it, positive or not. Still, I reckon I could've helped myself more if I had told myself something along the lines of

"I want to be the kind of person who relishes whatever exercise my trainers design for me, the kind who feels great about it, and wants to help others feel the same way."

So, if I can write all these posts where I can sound so important, what's with all the surprise? That's because, sometimes in my head, I'm still the person who told Senior in 2010 that I wasn't disciplined enough. He told me I was nuts because if waking up to be in a field at 0545h three times a week isn't discipline, he doesn't know what is. I realised then that it was an outdated version of myself, telling me - and others - stuff that wasn't true anymore. Here's to less of that in 2012.